


Come morning light (you and i'll be safe and sound)

by adiosnoninos



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Allusions to mental illness, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Bad Ending, Blood and Injury, Gen, Growing Up Together, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inspired by Dangan Ronpa, M/M, Minor Character Death, Occasional fluff, You Have Been Warned, kun pined for taeil for ten years dear god
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22071637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adiosnoninos/pseuds/adiosnoninos
Summary: Some stories, no matter how much you wanted to reveal them to the world, cannot be told. A moth that gets too close to the flame will burn its wings. The world is neither kind nor cruel, it’s how you crave the path you choose to walk on. Do you think the world wished for the moth to die? No. It leads itself to its demise. Remember, those stories are your fire.
Relationships: Moon Taeil/Qian Kun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17
Collections: kuniversism





	Come morning light (you and i'll be safe and sound)

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt #12 Kun and Taeil dreamed of a world filled with hope
> 
> Rule Number One in Danganronpa: Do not get attached.
> 
> This fic deals with heavy themes so please look at the tags before deciding to proceed.

Kun was seven when the world collapsed.

The stock market crashed as the world governments fell one by one. For time being, anarchy became the ruling system. Each man was left to themselves as the pandemic took out as much as 60% of the world population. Billions of people turned into mindless, soulless creatures. Those who survived witnessed themselves kill their loved ones. Nobody knew how the pandemic began. Even the scientists or whoever among them are spared, were puzzled. It started as a fairly average day like any other.

Scientists called it The Illness. The Illness gradually stripped you of your humanity. Personalities took a complete 360 as the victim gradually lost themselves. Some became deranged, their thoughts dictated by an entity that only existed in their minds. Those who managed to keep a hold on their souls, killed themselves before they could lay a hand on others.

The Illness spared no one. From the most powerful person in the world to the poorest man, it takes as it pleases.

Kun played outside with other children on that day. Miss Bora allowed them to play at the nearby playground, as long as they came home before sunset. The playground, despite its age, is filled with life. Children played on the equipment and ran around the place, the adults keeping an eye on them. Kun ran around happily with his toy airplane. He came along with Yixing and the other kids. The older promised he’ll go around to see if someone is selling ice cream. Ice cream is good and he likes being with Yixing.

Kun threw his airplane to make it fly. He watched in fascination as it soared in the air for a few seconds, landing in the small forest next to the playground. “Aw bummer,” he grumbled. Someone must have also seen his wooden plane fly into the woods. As much as he wanted to look for it, the sun is beginning to hang low in the sky. Yixing hasn’t returned yet either.

Another hour passed and there was no sign of Yixing. What if Yixing decided he’s too old to play with him anymore? Impossible. Yixing gave him the pinky promise! His lower lip wobbled as he looked around the playground. Some kids have gone back home already. Kun spots someone by the swings and walked towards them. “Hyung,” he asks, making them look up from their book “have you seen my hyung?”

The older kid shut his book and turned towards Kun. He wasn’t much older than Kun himself but he appeared to be very smart. He wore a uniform that was similar to the one he saw Sehun wear. “I don’t know. Have you?” Kun shakes his head. Yixing could haven’t gone that far. The older kid sighed, going back to his book “Sorry, I can’t help. Have a good day.”

“Okay…” He mumbled, turning away. While walking around, he spotted his favorite hyung’s silhouette and grinned. He's right, Yixing would never leave him behind. “Hyung!” He shouted in glee, running as fast as his little legs can carry him. Yixing’s back was turned towards him. Maybe Yixing found the ice cream and didn't realize he was just right behind him.

He runs in front of Yixing who is standing still, staring at Kun with dark and soulless eyes. There was no ice cream in his hand. He probably didn’t find anyone selling ice cream and is just as disappointed as he is. Right now, he has a bigger problem on hand: his toy airplane. “Hyung! Hyung! My airplane flew to the… to the…” He struggles to remember the word. The older pays no heed, wearing the same stone-cold expression. The absence of his usual warmth in his gaze unsettled him.

“Hyung?” he reaches out to the elder, curious. A hand enclosed around him, stopping him. It was the same kid he asked about Yixing earlier. The kid smiled reassuringly at him before turning towards Yixing “Back off slowly. He won’t attack you.” He whispers, walking backward. Kun stared at him, then at Yixing.

The two backed off slowly, keeping an eye on Yixing. Kun doesn't know what is happening. Why would his hyung try to attack him? Yixing promised he would never hurt him and protect him from all harm.

Right?

“On the count of three, we both run.”

Kun looks at the hand holding him, then at Yixing. He wasn’t even sure if the one in front of them is still Yixing. Yixing always had a gentle smile on his face no matter what. A far cry from the stone-faced expression and icy persona. The one in front of him has forgotten him, or who he was. His eyes watered up when the other kid started the countdown.

One.

_He remembers Yixing would tell about how he was the one who was able to make Kun calm down when he was still a baby. It was true, as one of the first people who rushed to see the new baby was he. Kun would cry whenever Miss Bora left the room. Yixing had snuck in the nursery and rocked the crib, singing as best as he could. When Miss Bora came back, Kun was already asleep and the older had a proud smile on his face._

Two.

_The older pronounced each syllable of his name. Kun stared right ahead, not understanding. Yixing groans, flopping down on the floor. “Miss Bora he can’t speak yet! What am I going to do?!”_

_Their caretaker laughed as she picked Kun up. Kun giggled, trying to grab on her apron. “You’re a stubborn one aren’t you? Not even listening to your big brother.”_

_Kun gurgles, his focus still on the bright yellow apron. Trivial matters such as learning his first word don’t matter. He ignored their conversation, in favor of trying to chew the apron. He was unsuccessful though as Miss Bora shifted him from one arm to another “Don’t rush him, he’s just a baby.” Bora tells the younger child._

_Yixing pouts “Fiiine. Can I play with him again?”_

_Upon hearing the word “play”, he perked up. Playtimes are always fun! Especially if he is playing with his big brothers and sisters. Kun claps, showing his happiness._

On the third count, they both took off.

The change was sudden. Yixing was gone in a snap, completely replaced by someone else. An unfeeling and unmoving clone.

Yixing looked smaller and smaller as they ran away from the playground. He didn’t even chase after them, standing as still as a statue. Kun didn't know for how long they ran. His lungs burned and with his little legs, he felt like he ran forever. The two came to a stop in front of the orphanage. Kun spots Sunyoung waiting for them outside “Noona! Noona!” he called out, staggering towards the entrance.

Sunyoung gasped and ran towards them “Kun! Where have you been?!” The older girl checks him for any injuries. When she saw none, she wrapped him in a hug. His noona must have thought he was gone. Sunyoung announced that Kun came home safe and sound. Other kids showed up in the front steps, some of them immediately making a beeline for Kun, showering him in hugs and reassurances.

The commotion caused their caretaker to come out. Miss Bora, a woman in her mid-30s, was surprised to see the children gathered at the front steps. “Children, I told you running is not allowed in the house,” a chorus of apologies rang out from the group. She shakes her head, amused at them.

Then she notices a child hanging out at the back. A young boy stood by the gate, still holding the book by his hand. He was still wearing his school uniform and carried a rather large backpack. He looks unsure, whether he should stay back or leave right away. Bora approaches the young boy, careful to not startle him. “Young man, where are your parents?”

He was quiet for a few seconds, looking from side to side. “They died in the city,” he answered. Upon closer inspection, the uniform wasn’t as clean as it looked. His hair was a bit overgrown too, going past his brows. Bora is not sure how long he has been on the streets but judging from his state, he probably lasted a day before venturing outside the city limits. It was too dangerous for him to go back to his home but as he said, his parents are dead.

For her, it wouldn’t hurt to bring in another child. She already lost one of the children she promised to look after. Sitting down so she could be eye-level at him, Bora asked if he wanted to stay in the orphanage for as long as he liked. He could always leave anytime. If a relative found him, he can choose to stay or to leave with them. “I know it’s not much, but this is my way of thanking you for finding Kun. But I’d like to know your name first.”

He looks at the caretaker, then at the children gathered behind her. Kun is clinging to one of the older boys, expecting. 

He would be damned if he left the younger’s side. From the moment they ran together, he refused to let go. He had to protect him.

“My name is Taeil, and I’ll stay," he answers.

The kids cheered loudly.

* * *

At the orphanage, Taeil was introduced to everyone. There were Junmyeon and Sunyoung who were kind of parental figures. The boys outnumbered the girls but none of them seem bothered by it. He spotted a girl flick the back of someone’s head “Ow! Seulgi that’s not nice!” The boy complained. Seulgi stuck her tongue out at him 

“Shut it Jongdae, that didn’t even hurt at all!”

The boy, now known as Jongdae, pretended to start crying “Miss Bora look! Seulgi is a meanie!”

“Yah! As if you don’t complain about everything!” Another boy butted in.

While the two bickered, Junmyeon smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck “I’m sorry about Jongdae and Chanyeol. All they do is fight. You'd think they probably have a crush on one another.” 

Taeil looks at the bickering duo, impressed. Meanwhile, Kun was confused “Myeonnie, what is a crush?” He asked out loud.

The girls giggled. Junmyeon sputtered, trying to regain composure “You’re a little too young for that. Anyways let’s continue,” he quickly switches the topic back on track, resuming the introductions. Thankfully, Kun’s short attention span had forgotten what he asked and was back to bouncing around.

There was Kyungsoo, who kept a serious face. The one who bickered with Jongdae earlier was Baekhyun and he happily waved to the newcomer. Kai and Sehun were around his age, so does Soojung. Seulgi tells him that Joohyun is currently sick and he'd probably meet her soon.

Chanyeol and Minseok were not present either. Chanyeol is cleaning the dishes as a punishment and Minseok watched to make sure he is actually doing it. 

Kun is the youngest of the bunch. "I am this many years old," he says, holding up seven fingers. That would mean he is younger by a year and half than Soojung. 

According to Junmyeon and Sunyoung, Kun was left at the doorstep as a newborn. With no family willing to claim him, he was raised in the orphanage for his whole life. Some of them already started going to school when they were left behind. Some lost their parents to a tragedy. The rest are simply unwanted children.

None of them thought of themselves as unwanted. If there is a willing forever home to take them, they were more than glad. The last time someone was adopted was a little over six months ago. The girl, Seungwan, was the same age as Taeil and is a lively and curious girl. She was also smart and gets along well with people once she's past her initial shyness. Her description alone made it understandable why she got adopted right away. Others have already met their future families and are waiting for the papers to process.

Still, he was curious why nobody would adopt Kun. His age was perfect. He could mold himself to fit into the missing puzzle. Anyone could say that Kun is their son and it would be believable. Kun wasn’t used to going outside either, preferring the indoors. Any child like him would get adopted straight away. What stopped them from taking him home?

He also found out that the hyung Kun looked for earlier was Yixing. No wonder the seven year old looked hesitant to leave him. The two were practically brothers and he felt guity for not knowing beforehand. It's either let a mere child die and live with the guilt despite being a child himself or save him even if it meant separating him from the closest semblance of a family. 

“And that’s everyone,” Junmyeon said after introducing Kun “Do you want to settle in your room now? I’m afraid you’d have to take Seungwan’s old room since it’s the last available room.”

“It’s fine. I might not even stay long," he replied. The older boy nods in approval and reminds him that dinner will be served two hours from now and he should have plenty of time to settle in. While the rest of the kids went back to what they were doing, Kun follows Taeil to his room.

Seungwan's old room was bare, save for the yellow bedsheets and some books she could not take with her. Taeil set down his backpack by the foot of the bed and sat down. He was grateful to have a roof over his head for as long as he liked.

Kun, on the other hand, is busy admiring the newcomer. He watched in fascination as Taeil unpacked his things. There wasn't much. A couple of clothes, the book he carried, and other things he couldn't see because his view is limited. When the older finished packing, he turns around "Are you gonna keep staring there?"

"Thank you hyung!"

Taeil was taken aback. Why is Kun thanking him when he just took away his family "What are you being grateful for?"

"Yixing become bad. Taeil good. You are superman!" Kun responds, puffing up his tiny chest. It seems like nobody has taught Kun yet about death and honestly, he wants to keep it that way.

"Eh, Superman has kryptonite..."

The seven year old gasped in indigation "Then Dandan destroy kyponite!"

"It's kryptonite. Come on, didn't your Junmyeon-hyung say there are super cool places here?" 

Kun bounces off the bed, tugging Taeil with him. He urges him to go faster since dinner will be soon and he might not get to see some places until tomorrow. The afternoon encounter was forgotten. A beloved brother replaced with someone new. With a promise to take care of Kun on Yixing's behalf, Taeil wondered for how long he could protect Kun.

It was a dangerous thought, even for the nine year old. There was a shift in the charts of the universe, opening up a new path. As enticing as it looked, some paths should be never walked on. To protect a child, it would need a whole village. In Kun's case, the orphanage. Taeil is aware that the older kids probably knew by now on what happened to their world.

The sun shined brightly today. The weather is the clearest one they had in years. Taeil had long left the city when the pandemic first ravaged through the streets.

His parents, his old friends, his neighbors, even Yixing-they're all gone now. The world is about to become something all of them didn't know.

Except for Kun, who happily ate his dinner while telling Taeil stories. His other favorite hyung is Taeil now. Yixing would remain number one for years to come.

Hope is such a dangerous thing. Too much and too little of it lead to despair. The wonder in Kun's eyes made him think otherwise.

* * *

Kun is bored. All-day long, he had no one to play with. The entire town was placed on lockdown. Everyone else, except Kun, continued their classes in one of the big rooms at the orphanage. He was too young to join then. Miss Bora promised him next year that he could join them.

For now, he sat alone in the nursery. He played with the same dolls for hours. Soojung and Seulgi lent him their older dolls so he could have more to play. Kun set his toys down and stared out of the window instead. A bird perched itself by the windowsill. He approached the bird, trying to approach the bird. The bird hasn’t noticed him. They’re probably lonely like him.

Growing up as the youngest had its perks. He gets to choose first and the older children fawned over him. It also means Miss Bora gets to pay extra attention to him. 

It was also hard being the youngest. Kun had to follow everyone else. While bullying is not tolerated, it doesn’t mean that he gets included in the games. They told him he’s too young and he has to grow up a bit more. He’s already a big boy now, when will they let him join their games.

Kun looks at the bird again. It hasn’t moved in a while. “Where are your friends?” He asked, poking at the glass. The bird chirped. _They’re not here_. Kun heard the door down the hall slam open and the children started coming out. Loud footsteps along with chatters about today’s lessons echoed outside his door. The bird chirped again as if bidding him farewell before flying away. “No! Come back!”

The door to his room opens, revealing peeking Taeil. The older left quickly and came back with a bunch of books “Follow me” was all Taeil said before leaving again. 

Kun followed him to the “classroom” they used. The room was illuminated with sunlight, making it seem bigger than it was. Desks are scattered around evenly. Each desk had something on top of it. The yellow pencil case on the table with a bunch of books had to be Taeil’s. He also recognized the book Miss Bora had given to Soojung on her table. The organized desk most likely belonged to Kyungsoo. Others didn’t have anything on but their desk had a name sticker in them, marking who owned each desk.

Kun marveled at the room. Their desks represented who they are as a person. Next year, he’s sure he’s going to get a desk. Maybe the one next to Taeil right in the middle? He could also take what used to be Yixing’s desk which was by the window. Taeil put down the books on one of the empty desks. “Miss Bora thought you might be lonely. So starting today, I’ll be your teacher too.”

Kun tilted his head. Taeil as his teacher? Does that mean Taeil is super smart or something? The older sensed his confusion and continued “She said you can pick any of these,” he points to the colorful books on the table. Books of all shapes and sizes were in front of him. Some were brand new. Others were tattered, obviously well-loved by the children. Some were thick, some were thin. None of them interested him though. Then he remembered the book Taeil read on their first meeting.

“Can we have your book?” He asks.

“Huh? What book?” 

Kun tried to remember what the book looked like. He remembered a guy in green and he is with a girl on the cover. “Boy in green! Green boy!”

The older realizes the book he is talking about and his face lit up in recognition. “Oh that one! I’m done with the book but I don’t mind reading it again. Do you want it?” Kun eagerly nodded.

“Alright wait here, I’m going to get it in my room.”

While Kun waited, he wondered about the books on the older’s desk. Maybe Taeil went to a school that allowed them to take home books. There was an open workbook on his desk and he took a peek on it. Numbers and shapes filled up the page. How boring. Kun went back to his chair just as Taeil came back, showing him the book.

The beautifully illustrated cover featured a little boy flying in the girl’s room. The girl wasn’t surprised the slightest, staring at the boy in wonder. Kun was curious about why he remained a little boy, never growing old. “Taeil look! He’s just like me!” The older laughs, motioning Kun to sit beside him “No he’s not, he’ll remain young forever.”

“But all of the children grow up!”

Taeil laughs, carefully opening the book. While not that old, the pages have been turned many times. It gave the impression that the book is at least a few years old. “That’s why we’re going to read it today. Sit closer, so we can read together.” Kun shuffled a little closer, peering at the page he just opened. “What we’re going to today is to read this,” Taeil explains, pointing at the page. The mess of Korean characters confused Kun. He’s not even sure if his little brain will be able to comprehend it.

But Kun wants to grow up fast. So he obliges by nodding his head “since this is your first book, we’ll read it together.”

“How?”

“Just repeat after me, okay?”

Kun nods once more, turning his eyes back to the page. He hoped that by the end of the day, he would brag about how much he can read now. The big boys would let him join their games too! “Alright, let’s begin. All children, except one, grow up…”

* * *

A little boy remained young while everyone else he loved grew up. Even the girl and her siblings. Imagine having all the time in the world to do as one pleases. A utopian dream of sorts. While it sounded like paradise for some, it would mean a burden so heavy they would collapse if any more are added.

Peter Pan is a child forever. He had a fairy who would be with him as long as someone believed in her. He also had the Lost Boys too, the souls of children who met violent fates. Peter would watch Wendy, John, and Michael grow up. The Darlings would eventually forget them. Kun wondered about the Darlings too. Mrs. Darling is gay of heart, believing in things that children would normally stop believing in once they reached a certain age. Maybe Wendy would be a little like her.

If Peter Pan is truly the spirit of the youth, then he must be very lonely.

* * *

Days flew by quickly. After a month, they finally finished Taeil’s book. It was a lovely story and he could see why Taeil loved it. There are still some good things worth believing in. His beliefs will become a fond memory when he grows up. In a way, they’re all Peter Pan and Wendy.

Kun proudly told Sunyoung he finished a book. The elder clapped excitedly, telling others that Kun would be able to join them soon. Even Miss Bora said he could sit in during storytelling. But Kun wanted to be able to fully understand what he read. So he asked Taeil to surprise him with another book.

“This one is a short story,” Taeil pulled out a thin book from his pile. The book is thin, not even reaching 25 pages. It said it is an illustrated story.

“Taeil what is a short story?”

“A short story is not long. We could finish it today if you wanted. Shall we start?” Kun nodded eagerly, already taking his place beside Taeil. It’s a colorful illustration that only served as a bonus. Kun liked colorful things and he might take this book back later. At some point, Soojung entered the room. “Hey, guys! Whatcha reading?” She asks, taking an empty seat.

“A short story! Taeil said I could finish it today!” Kun answered excitedly. Soojung took a look at the book and gasped “No way! I love that story too! Taeilie can I help instead?”

Taeil was apprehensive. He’s not sure if he could trust Soojung with Kun. He remembered that the two grew up together and she knew Kun better than he ever did. But Miss Bora entrusted him with an important task and he can’t fail her. “I’m not too sure…”

“Please! I know that story like the back of my hand!” She persuades him, hoping that the elder will give in.

He eventually relented after much convincing. He watched Soojung animatedly retell the story to Kun. She even answered some of his questions. Kun, on the other hand, was having the time of his life. The seven-year-old was having a blast with Soojung’s character voices. She even told him about how cool the hero of the story was. “Miss Bora said we can be anything we want to be! I want to be a famous actress when I grow up!”

“That’s so cool! I want to fly in space! Taeilie it’s your turn!”

“I want to sing I guess. Mom said I have a good voice.” Upon hearing this, the two begged Taeil to sing a song. Kun even promised he would stop moving around so much while Taeil is reading to him. If Taeil gave in again, he won’t say it’s because he is easily goaded into doing things. But if it makes Kun happy, then he’ll do it. Before Taeil could open his mouth to sing, Miss Bora peeked in the room, reminding them that dinner is in an hour and they all should get ready soon. Kun happily skipped down the hallway, hand-in-hand with Soojung. Taeil was left by himself and he chuckled at their antics.

“Hyung run! We have to beat others!” He heard Kun shout outside.

“Coming!” Taeil took a random book with him before joining the two for dinner.

* * *

The orphanage is fast asleep. Miss Bora has already retired to her room for the night after kissing each child good night. Kun, however, was still wide awake. He was afraid to fall asleep again. Monsters are not real, Kyungsoo told him that.

What he was more afraid of were the shadows that lurked. His room was suddenly much bigger. Kun heard the door open and he hid under the covers. Kyungsoo is a liar. Monsters are real and one is about to eat him up. He is a good boy, he never talked back to anyone and obeyed them all the time. Something pulled back his blanket and before he could scream, a hand covered his mouth. It took him several seconds to realize that it was just Taeil.

The older had a grin on his face as he held up a book in his hand. The cover was white and it featured another boy in green. Why would he do lessons in the middle of the night?! “I’m going to read you a bedtime story! I bet you didn’t have one of those before.”

“A bedtime story?” He asked.

Taeil settled on the bed beside him, slipping under the covers as well. “A bedtime story is something you read before you sleep so you can have good dreams. Do you want one?”

Kun nodded, sitting closer. Taeil began reading. It was about a pilot who wanted to become a painter. The grown-ups said he should stop drawing and devote himself to very grown-up things. Taeil shows him a drawing and he giggled. It does look like a hat. Who would be frightened by a hat?

Drawing Number Two was an elephant inside a boa constrictor. Can a snake eat something as big as an elephant? He’ll ask his other hyungs in the morning. As Taeil read on, his eyes grew heavier. He thought that grown-ups are stupid. Maybe being a child forever and not caring about the world does sound fun. The pilot should have been allowed to learn how to draw what he wanted. Maybe he’ll even draw a better boa than he did when he was six.

Kun didn’t register he fell asleep already until he heard Taeil stop reading. There was some rustling and he felt something press against his forehead. Whatever it was, it made him sleep better for the rest of the night.

* * *

The peace was short-lived.

Jongdae, who was normally the outspoken one, slowly withdrew. Dinner was when he complained the most. To their surprise, he just accepted his food. Everyone watched in apprehension as he happily ate his food. Taeil seemed to not understand why everyone was suddenly wary of Jongdae,

“What’s going on?” He whispered. Soojung glances across the table and leaned in “Jongdae normally complains before, during, and after eating. We think he’s sick.”

A clatter was heard, followed by loud yelling. Jongdae continued eating, this time a smirk was present on his face. Chanyeol is being restrained by Baekhyun, the former glaring at Jongdae. The whole table fell silent, save for the sounds of scrapping against the plate. Jongdae finishes eating and immediately left, not before throwing a mocking grin at the agitated boy. Once he left the room, everyone sighed in relief.

Kun, who has not been paying attention to what just happened, finished eating as well. “I’m done! More story?” He asked, his eyes sparkling. Taeil nods wordlessly, his appetite already lost. It must be nice to be just a child, completely unaware of what is happening. Kun happily skipped out of the dining room, Taeil trailing after him.

He noticed the elder wasn’t walking beside him. Grabbing his hand, he grinned at the elder “Hyung is sad. Will story make hyung happy?” He sees the smallest of smiles appear on the older’s lips. A success!

* * *

Turns out they all worried for nothing. Jongdae was downed with a cold later the following day. The older kids had breathed a sigh of relief. They all thought that Jongdae became the next victim.

“Thank God Jongdae is back to his usual complaining self. But did he have to scare us like that?” Soojung said once their classes are over. Kun was allowed to sit in today and he happily helped put the workbooks back in their respective places.

“Not sure about that. He’s the drama queen right?”

“Don’t even get me started on that! Did you know that before you came,” she launched into a tirade of Jongdae’s worst moments or as she liked to call them, Jongdae being a drama queen. Kun already knew what happened so he continued to stack the books as best as he could. Taeil had a funny expression on his face when Soojung finished. “and that’s not even all of them! Ask Junmyeon or Chanyeol. I swear we’re surprised when a couple wanted to take him home!”

“That sounds a bit too much,” Taeil confessed.

“Kyungsoo said he is born complaining. No wonder he was left in the orphanage when he got older. Give it a few months in his new home and he’d be back here in no time!” They eventually finished cleaning the room and left for the garden. Kun ran around freely for the first time in a while. He loved spending time indoors with his new friend but he is a growing boy. Growing boys need to run outside in the sun and play. While running around, he spotted Jongdae who stood motionlessly by the trees.

_“Huh? Isn’t hyung supposed to be resting?”_ He thought. He doesn’t know how long he stood there, or how did he escape the sick room. He went around to run back inside. When he turned back, Jongdae is gone.

Strange. Did he get an illusion or something?

When Kun went back to where Taeil and Soojung was, they were arguing about the Goldfish cracker flavors. He had gone quiet, sitting right next to them. Their argument reaches a stalemate. Soojung pouts, turning towards Kun “Dandan our new friend is a meanie! He thinks strawberry-flavored ones are bad.”

Taeil shrugs “The original one is the best one anyway.”

“No! You just didn’t taste the strawberry ones!”

“Guys, Dae-hyung went outside…” Kun mumbled, not bothering to join the conversation. Their bickering stopped, both of them wearing confused expressions on their faces.

“Jongdae went outside? But we just passed by the sick room earlier…”

A chill ran down their spine. Kun doesn’t know what it means but he doesn’t like it. 

Some time has passed. The world is beginning to reel back from the devastation. Flowers bloomed and wilted. As time went by, Kun eventually started reading by himself. He also discovered old records and played them on the turntable. Taeil had given him his copy of Peter Pan last Christmas as he knew that Kun didn’t have a birthday. He appreciated he gestured nonetheless.

He wasn’t the naïve 7 years old he used to be. The little information about The Illness has been released to the public. The scientists claimed that everyone is safe for now unless another pandemic broke out. It was a by-product of natural selection. Those who survived it are the ones selected to start a new generation.

Jongdae hasn’t gotten better over the years. After recovering from the cold, he became much quieter. Along with the change in personality, his behavior worsened too. Sometimes he would randomly lash out. Sometimes he was easy to get along with. Dealing with Jongdae is like walking through an active landmine. One needs to watch their step before it explodes right in their faces.

One or another, it was bound to happen soon. Jongdae finally exploded and said he would go out for a walk. He had enough of people being suspicious of him and told them to not follow him. Minseok and Baekhyun followed after him, saying he can’t be left by himself.

That was last night. They still haven’t returned.

“Has anyone seen Minseok?”

“Guys, where is Baekhyun?”

“Where did Jongdae go?”

Junmyeon is growing more frantic per second. Kun knows that the older was in charge of the boys and the three have been missing since last night. “Hyung you need to take a break,” Kyungsoo reminds him. He shakes his head, “I can’t rest until I know they’re safe.”

“What about the forest?” Sehun suggested. The whole room went still. They couldn’t be that far.

Junmyeon grabbed his jacket “Then let’s go to the forest,” he said, marching out of the door. The others had no choice but to follow.

They split up once they were in the forest so they could find the missing faster. Most went on to find Minseok and Baekhyun. Kun went in the opposite direction. The vegetation is much thicker and he had to tear off some branches. The deeper he went, the thinner it became. Soon, he could walk without any plants getting on his way. He also found another path and he made sure to try going in that direction later.

The elevation rose sharply. He had to use a random stick he found to stabilize himself. Eventually, he reached a small clearing and found Minseok.

“Dae you don’t have to do this. You can always come back and tell everyone we lost Baekhyun during the search. Please, just come home.” Minseok begged, clutching on Jongdae’s arm tightly. Jongdae remained stone-faced, not even a flicker of emotion in his eyes.

_Please, just come home._

Suddenly, Jongdae twisted his arm around, putting Minseok on a chokehold. The former struggled against his grip. He debated whether he should step in or until Jongdae spoke

“Who is this Dae you’re talking about?” He asks, his voice devoid of any emotion. Minseok struggled to free himself in Jongdae, well, Not-Jongdae’s hold. A quick elbow to the stomach freed him and caused Not-Jongdae to reel back. Angered, Not-Jongdae lounged at him and he barely had time to dodge.

It was a costly mistake. Jongdae stumbled into the deep ravine, causing him to grab Minseok’s ankle. He screamed as he was pulled down. Kun was frozen, watching in horror as the two fell to their deaths.

He should have stepped in.

He should have stepped in.

Kun should have stepped in and saved Minseok by buying him time.

Kun stumbled towards the edge of the ravine, letting out a cry as he spotted their bodies on the bottom. “Hyung I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry hyung… I should have stepped in… I should have…” He hiccuped, unable to contain his tears. Had he ran to catch Minseok, he would have managed to kick the other off and lived. At the worst, Kun could have been pulled down by the weight.

They found him like this, staring blankly at the cliff. Taeil immediately rushed to his side, asking what’s wrong. “They were already dead when I found them…” he lies, unable to speak the truth.

Jongdae didn’t recognize them. He didn’t even hesitate to grab Minseok down with him. Their lone audience remained frozen, hidden among the plants. A voice in his head started taunted him about his mistakes.

He should have died. He should have died with them.

“Dandan come on, let’s go home,” Taeil tells him, pulling him up.

_Please come home._

Kun shuddered, burying himself in Taeil’s embrace. “It’s okay, you were brave,” he reassured him. The rest of the group quietly walked back to the orphanage with heavy hearts.

Jongdae, Minseok, and now Baekhyun. So much has been lost in one day.

* * *

The following days, meals became a quiet affair. With the absence of a loud banter from the opposite end of the table, silence became unbearable. Earlier, Junmyeon discovered that three boys have run away in the dead of the night. Jongin and Sehun’s room was empty. Chanyeol, who was Minseok’s roommate, was nowhere to be found either.

The whole room is spacious and suffocating at once. Kun wanted to bring his breakfast back to his room but it was against the rules. He’ll have to endure the awkwardness for now.

He didn’t have much appetite left either, not after last time. It’s not every day one witnesses their brother fight for their lives, let alone both of them. Others had gone out to search for the missing members while Kun stumbled upon Jongdae and Minseok by a cliff. He wasn’t even aware there was a ravine deep in the forest. By the time the search party reached him, he was staring blankly at the edge.

Jongdae had fallen and he dragged Minseok down with him. He only told them he was too late.

“I’m done with this!” Joohyun suddenly stood up and left the room. Seulgi tried to run after but she was stopped by Sunyoung. Kun stopped pushing his food around and stood up to leave as well. On his way back, he noticed the door to Joohyun’s room was ajar. He snuck a glance in and found out Joohyun wasn’t in her room. He also checked the common rooms, seeing no sign of her either. When Kun reached the front door, it was open.

Joohyun had run away as well.

Soojung found him near the entrance “Kun? What are you doing there?”

He points at the door, shaking “Joohyun ran away too.”

“Joohyun what?” They turned around, seeing Sunyoung stand behind them. “Kun what did Joohyun do?”

Kun glanced at Soojung. He debated whether he should tell her or not. They already dealt with losing three people last night. Another one running away could be the one to break the camel’s back. “Kun? Soojung? What is happening?”

“Joohyun ran away too!” He blurted out. Kun realized what he just said and covered his mouth. He watched her connect the dots, her face falling at the realization. Kun wondered what mistake did he commit in his past life for him to become an unfortunate witness to both events. Once she got past her initial shock, she ordered them to go back to the common room while she went to get Junmyeon and Kyungsoo.

The two boys went out to search. They promised they would be back within two hours, with or without Joohyun. Sunyoung paced around the room, muttering to herself. The only ones who remained are Seulgi, Soojung, Taeil, and Kun. The tension from earlier increased. Soojung started combing her hair out of habit while Seulgi kept glancing outside the window.

Any moment now, Junmyeon and Kyungsoo would return with Joohyun. If not, they can start all over again tomorrow. None of them had the faintest idea of why Joohyun suddenly ran off after breakfast. It’s nearly four in the afternoon and the two left six hours ago. The area wasn’t that big and there is no way they wouldn’t get lost.

“Taeil, they’re going to find Joohyun right?” Taeil smiles, ruffling his hair

“Of course they would. When has Junmyeon failed us?”

Kun thought about the other boys. Sehun was young when they took off, never to be seen again. He was also the only boy young enough to talk freely with Taeil. In some way, Sehun was like him when he was younger- carefree. The fear in his eyes when Minseok tried to contain a violent Jongdae and when they pummeled down the hill. They were sure that the two never made it alive. The next day, their rooms were empty. Junmyeon was crying by the stairs.

_“I failed them. I promised to Sehun I will protect them. But I didn’t.”_

Another hour passed. Still, no signs of them returning. The oldest in the room takes a deep breath and stood straighter. Kun’s heart sank. It meant the two met their dead ends. “Joohyun! Joohyun-ah wait for me!” Seulgi cried, taking off. Soojung tried to catch the other but failed as she went out of the door.

The rest of the kids followed Seulgi into the forest. The sun was still high in the sky but it would set soon. There were calls of Seulgi, Junmyeon, and Kyungsoo. Four of them did their best to stay together, navigating through the vegetation with only their knowledge and instinct. A loud scream broke out from somewhere in the forest “This way! It might be Seulgi!” Sunyoung turned left, the others following.

The four found Seulgi on the forest floor. Seulgi was cut off mid-scream, her neck at an unnatural angle. A pleading look frozen in time forever. Behind her was Joohyun. A manic smile spread across Joohyun’s face when she saw the small party “Oh, everyone is here! Even better!” She clapped, stepping over Seulgi’s corpse. The group took a step back, afraid of what is about to happen. “Why are you all scared? I’m still your Joohyun! Am I right, Kun?”

She was still their Joohyun. Unlike Jongdae who completely transformed, Joohyun seemed normal. There was no blood on her clothes, no hair out of place. Joohyun looked like she walked in the park. Killing Seulgi, possibly Junmyeon and Kyungsoo as well; was easy for her. If she was able to take down two nearly adult men with ease, then how much worse will they fare?

An arm wrapped instinctively around Kun while they all stood behind Sunyoung “Over my dead body.” Sunyoung says, her voice tight. The smile dropped from Joohyun’s face. Kun huddled closer to Taeil. He felt the grip on him tighten.

Joohyun rolled her eyes “Seulgi told me that too.” Shock registered in their faces. That would only mean one thing.

Seulgi, Junmyeon, and Kyungsoo met their horrible ends here. So did Minseok, Victoria, and Baekhyun. He doesn’t know what happened to those who ran away during the dead of the night last year but he’s sure they’re probably dead by now. All roads ended in this damned forest. Kun should haven’t thrown that toy plane too far five years ago. If he did, all of them would still be alive. Taeil might have joined them at some point as the boy turned out to be a wandering orphan. It started with Yixing and ended with Joohyun.

Sunyoung’s face filled with sorrow. Taeil held him, and now Soojung, tight. Whatever the oldest was planning, he doesn’t like it. None of them deserved to die. Not even Jongdae and Joohyun. While their actions are not forgivable, the ones who committed those crimes are not them.

Had the current laws existed, someone would have taken them away and put them in a place where they’ll never be seen again. The whole world already collapsed and they’re struggling to retain any normalcy. The scene in front of him reminded him of Yixing six years ago. Kun was much more naïve then. Had Taeil not save him, maybe he wouldn’t be here right now.

He lived and will live to see another day. Being the youngest truly sucked. Everyone older than him is dying one by one. He’s not even sure if he is prepared for the day Taeil could no longer protect him. “Taeil, Soojung, Kun, I need you to run on my signal.”

“What about you noona?“ Soojung pleaded. Sunyoung released herself from the younger girl’s hold, squeezing her hand. The gesture was her way of biding them goodbye. Kun swallowed the lump in his throat. The situation right now is eerily similar to Taeil saving him. He’s not even sure if Sunyoung would come back with them. All he needed to know was she loves them dearly enough to put herself in front of them.

On her signal, the trio started running. Branches often got in their way. They would occasionally trip but they couldn’t stop running. Not until they got out of the forest. He doesn’t know for how long they ran until they saw it was already dark. Kun could see the lights in the orphanage turn on. The three of them didn’t have the heart to explain why it’s just three of them now. In one day, they lost five more people.

In his head, he hoped that they all found peace. The world is too cruel to orphans like them. They had no families to turn to, only themselves and other children at the orphanage. The place was suddenly gigantic now that he realized how many people were left. The formerly noisy and bright hallways have gone silent. No Junmyeon was ordering them around. No more friendly brawls among the boys while the girls were off doing their own thing. He even missed Jongdae’s annoying laughter.

The music won’t come out of Seulgi’s and Kyungsoo’s rooms anymore. The place was practically abandoned, its occupants either dead or still missing. Miss Bora arrived at the place an hour later, looking at the three of them on the sofa. “Where are the others?” She asked.

“We’re sorry…” Kun mumbled, not looking at their caretaker directly. When she left, it was seven of them as Joohyun had run off during breakfast. She came back to three children who saw more than what they should be seeing. Taeil, who was the quietest among them, was even quieter. He barely spoke a word since they got out.

Everyone else is gone. What was the point of being alive at this point?

Bora settled down next to them, hugging each child. For Kun, she hugged him the tightest. All of them knew that Kun was too young to witness his only family be taken away from them. “Don’t worry about being lonely anymore. Tomorrow, we’ll transfer you three to another orphanage. I think Kun would love it there.” None of them answered, seeking each other for comfort instead.

* * *

In the morning, they found themselves packing their whole lives in a single suitcase. Kun didn’t realize how much he had until he finished packing his clothes. He also began taking down the drawings and pictures he put up in the walls of the old nursery. This was the very room Kun spent almost all of his life in. From the time Miss Bora found him in the doorstep, abandoned by his mother until now, this was his home. Since the newborns were left in the other orphanage, the nursery eventually became his room. The crib was replaced by a bed as he got older. A few essential furniture such as a desk, a closet, and a chair was added as years passed by. Kun begged for a bookshelf to be added to store all the books he managed to hoard.

He looked around the place for one more time. The room was bare, stripped of its personality. Someone else would turn this room into their home. He heard someone enter the room. Kun doesn’t need to know who it is. He wordlessly hands Taeil the box that contained some of his personal belongings. He dragged his luggage to the front door, where a car that would take them to the orphanage awaited them.

Their caretaker was in tears as she bade them goodbye. While Bora could visit them every once in a while, it meant that they have to adjust to the new system by themselves. Soojung would be the oldest girl now as there were five other girls in the orphanage, so does Taeil. With the last few reminders and promises to remember what she taught them, they were finally off to their new lives.

Kun watched his old home grow smaller and smaller. San Marco Home for the Lost eventually disappeared from the view. He couldn’t believe it. He’s all grown up now. Kun watched the scenery change outside the window. The greenery got less and less as they went closer to the city limits. The car takes a turn that leads them to their new home.

The building was much bigger than the one they used to live in. It was about three stories high and its walls were painted a light shade of cream, although not visible due to the accumulated dust. Unlike the huge garden in their old home, this one had just enough space for the younger ones to run around. A woman was waiting for them in front and she was in a deep conversation with someone on the phone. She stopped talking the moment the car stopped in front of her.

His stomach twisted and turned. The longer he stared at the building, the more he wanted to run out. He doesn’t like this place already. He grabbed Taeil’s hand by instinct and the elder raised an eyebrow at him. “I don’t like this place already. It’s making me feel weird in a bad way.” Kun said. Taeil looks out of the window too “Me neither. It’s not like we have a choice either.”

Their conversation awakened Soojung from her nap “Already?” She mumbled, her voice garbled by sleep. She looked out of the window and frowned. None of them liked the place already.

They stay in the car for God knows how long. Another person came out of the door. He looked to be around their age. He had fluffy black hair, wide innocent-looking eyes, and was wearing a school uniform. If it weren’t for his smile, Kun would have thought he is a prince. The woman and the boy exchanged a short conversation before the woman pointed to the car and went back inside the building.

“Go on ahead kids. Be safe.” The driver tells them. The trio got out of the car, wary of the stranger. The kid seemed to be just as shy as well. “Hello my name is Taeyong and I’m the second oldest child in this orphanage.” The boy introduces himself. They exchanged introductions, telling him when are their birthdays. Taeyong’s eyes lit up when he found out Taeil is a year older than him. “I can’t wait to tell Johnny this! He’d be so happy to be not the eldest anymore!”

Taeil had an amused look on his face. Soojung rolled her eyes. Whoever this Johnny kid is, he probably had a hard time. Taeil was already burdened with the responsibility, why bother looking after more children?

They all followed Taeyong inside. The building was more spacious on the inside, although more clinical. It has none of the homey feelings their old orphanage had. “I know this place is kind of scary but you’ll get used to it!” Taeyong promised, leading them to the common area. Children and teenagers of various ages are occupied with various activities. Some of them stopped what they were doing and stared at the newcomers. Kun hid behind Taeil, not even bothering to peek out.

“Hyung I don’t like this place anymore. Why can’t we Miss Bora adopt us instead.”

“Sorry about Kun, he’s not used to people other than the ones he grew up with.” Taeil apologized. Taeyong nodded sympathetically

“I understand that. Why don’t we get settled in your new rooms? I’m not allowed to be on the girl’s side though.” The trio eyed other quizzically. In their old orphanage, it didn’t matter who’s in who as long as they weren’t too loud. While another girl leads Soojung to her room, the rest of them went to the second floor.

Kun’s room is at the end of the hallway, near a corridor. Taeil’s room was at the opposite end. Taeyong warned them that the floor is creaky and he pointed out which parts to avoid. Kun made a mental note on them, for when he sneaks out to visit Soojung at night. “At 10 PM, you will hear a bell chime. It means the day is over and everyone should be at their rooms. The kitchen is open around the clock in case you forgot to eat dinner or just wanted to eat more.”

Taeyong drops them off their rooms. He promised to pick them up later for dinner unless someone else came to get them. His room here is much bigger than the one he grew up in. There were two sets of furniture. He assumed that either the room was just vacated or he is the first one to arrive. He takes the bed by the wall, lying down on it. There were slight lumps in the mattress but it’s nothing he’s not used to.

It was pretty much a replica of his old room, only bigger. He wondered if he should start unpacking or if he should take a nap. Just as he is about to take a nap, someone knocked on his door. He eagerly dashed to the door, face falling when he realized it wasn’t Taeil.

In front of him was a boy. He might be a year or two older, judging from his height. He also kind of looked like a rabbit. “Sorry to startle you! I heard from Taeyeon-noona last night we were getting new kids. Are you one of them?” Rabbit boy asked. Kun nodded, “Awesome! I’m Doyoung and I’m twelve years old!” He introduced himself, extending a hand to Kun.

He takes his hand and shakes it “I’m Kun. Soojung said I don’t have a birthday so I think I’m the same age as you too.”

Doyoung gasped in indignation “No way! Everyone has one!”

Kun smiles sadly “My parents left me in my old orphanage when I was a few days old. One of the kids named me because I don’t have any identification at all.”

“That’s it! We’re going to give you a birthday! But first, do you want to hang out in my room?”

It was the first time he met people other than the ones from the orphanage. He hesitated a little but allowed Doyoung to drag him into his room. When he entered his room, it was the same as his, only it was more lived in. Doyoung has a roommate who was doing soccer outside. He said it was a school break so his roommate hung out with some of his school friends today.

Kun got curious about school. He heard stories from older kids and Taeil before. He never got to experience it since, well, the collapse. Their area is one of the lesser hit ones but they still made sure to proceed with caution. School is one of the most awesome or most boring things in the world, depending on your attitude. Judging from the differences in their rooms, he could tell that Doyoung is the one who liked school more.

He was fascinated with Doyoung’s explanation. Doyoung even made him try on his uniform. It was a little too big for him but Doyoung promised he would get his own soon. Because education is mandatory in their orphanage, all of them go to school once they reach a certain age.

“Honestly I think you would be in the same year as I do with Jaehyun. You were homeschooled right?”

“I doubt if it counted as homeschooling. Only five of us went to a real school and Taeil is one of them. Our caretaker said he’s super smart and he finishes his workbooks ahead of time so he could tutor me.” Once Kun was old enough to properly learn, Taeil was one of his teachers. The others helped out from time to time but most of the responsibility fell on Taeil. Probably because he went to school unlike most of them.

Taeil is good at math. If he didn’t become a singer, he would have become a scientist or something. He was just that good.

“He sounds like an awesome person. Hey, do you want a tour around? I don’t think Taeyong showed you some places.”

The first day in their new home and he already made a new friend. More like, someone barged in his room and decided they should be friends. He still doesn’t trust the Taeyong though. There was something off about him but he couldn’t place it. He doesn’t understand why Taeil easily trusted him.

It could be from nervousness. It could be distrust with new things. Whatever it is, he hoped things are finally looking up for them.

* * *

Two months passed since they moved to another orphanage. Doyoung helped him adjust to the place faster. There was peace for a while. No one who would suddenly go on a murder spree. Kun finally met people around his age and he started hanging out with them. He was a little shy at first but after much coaxing from Doyoung, he eventually allowed himself out his shell a little more.

Doyoung eventually introduced him to his roommate, Jaehyun. He also introduced them to his other friends. Kun is happy to find another boy his age. Kun also liked hanging out with the younger kids. Soojung, on the other hand, got to be around with more girls again. She joked that she got tired of being around boys and wouldn’t want to see her brothers again. Kun knew she was lying.

But good things, unfortunately, come to an end. Soojung's health suddenly took a turn for the worse. What started as continuous coughing ended up becoming something worse. The doctor suspected that she had it for a long time and it only turned up just now.

She would cough all night long and refused to eat. Her face gradually lost its color. Soon, she was confined to her room and other kids cannot go near her anymore. By the time spring came, he and Taeil visited her. Despite her weakened state, she was happy to see them. "Kunnie, Taeilie," she weakly called out "you're here."

Soojung became a shell of her former self. The town doctor said she wouldn't make it past winter. It was a miracle she fought for this long. "Soojung-ah! Will you be healthy soon?" Taeil asked, gently grasping her hand. She turned her gaze towards the window instead. "You don't have to pretend to be strong all the time you know."

He squeezed her hand tighter "I know. Will we see you there?"

Soojung looked at the pair. Kun was too young to see all the people he loved die. If there is a way, she would do everything to give their old lives back. Her eyelids felt heavy. Sleep never felt so inviting. She can vaguely hear Kun's panicked shouts as Taeil ran off to get to the doctor.

She's so tired. Maybe she should take her advice for once. "Noona... noona please don't go!" Kun cried. With the last of her strength, she wiped away the tears from Kun's face.

"Take care of your hyung for me, will you? I'm really tired now."

Taeil burst into the room, the doctor trailing behind him. "The doctor is here!” He announced, out of breath. Kun raised his head, tears streaming down his face. Beside him, Soojung lay peacefully. She looked like she just slept. There would be no more violent coughs that gave her a hard time. No more food coming back up. No more restless nights.

No more Soojung. Their bright, cheerful Soojung and her dry humor. The one who often came up with the wittiest replies to Kun's nonsense questions.

"Soojung is gone."

Their world that was held up by a thin string, slowly crumbled. They were the last ones left from their orphanage. If it’s any consolation, at least their Soojung was surrounded by her two brothers.

-

For two days and one night, Kun and Taeil stood to watch. They are the closest to what Soojung had for a family. While Taeil entertained the guests, he sat right by the front. What if they found the bodies of others? Taeil is old enough to start searching for them to give them at least a proper send-off. So why not them too?

Her smiling face looked back at them. Kun fondly recalled the day Miss Bora took them out to take their pictures. All of the kids were dressed for the occasion. The girls were wearing their best dresses while the boys donned on their best shirts and pants. They all lined up to take the bus to the town proper. According to the photographer, Soojung stood out the most. She kept getting complimented for her looks and her ability to be at ease in front of cameras.

Kun also remembered how dashing Taeil was on that day. He looked like a proper man. Miss Bora didn’t have much difficulty gathering them in front of the camera. As he stood beside Taeil, he wondered if he would also look just as good. Would he remain a little boy in front of everyone’s eyes? Or has he grown up too?

As Taeil showed the guests to the door, Kun finally stood up from his spot. “You worked hard today.” He tells the older. Taeil didn’t answer, his gaze still on the altar.

They were all promised a forever home. It seemed a lifetime ago when the only thing they worried about was if there would be enough snacks left. There would be a story or two from those whose families visited them. Even the bratty Jongdae found a family. They were all taken one by one.

What if their families took them home before all the hell broke loose? How different things would be right now?

Life was impossibly short. These youths would live forever among the stars. Pain is nothing, but a distant memory to them. They can run and laugh for days, earthly problems are gone and forgotten. Maybe they were the Peter Pans of their own story. Peter Pan could be real, after all, guiding the souls of the youth to their real forever home.

Soojung was laid to rest a few days later. Cemeteries overflowed with the bodies of the deceased. They knew she wouldn’t like it. Instead, they buried her near the forest. In that way, she would reunite with her fellow sisters.

The first day, he expected Soojung to round the corner, holding whatever book she is immersed with right now. He frowned when it turned out to be Doyoung, with Jungwoo and Jaehyun bounding behind him. Doyoung and Jaehyun smiled sympathetically as they passed by while Jungwoo rolled his eyes “Hyung come on! We’re supposed to be at lessons right now!” He heard him whine, tugging on Doyoung’s sleeve.

He should get going too. The library won’t wait for him.

* * *

Years passed by uneventfully. After Soojung died, all of them went to get check-ups to ensure that they won’t get sick. They were even checked for The Illness. There was no assigned name to the malady, only stories from those who witnessed it first-hand. Kun and Taeil were placed under watch as they had no idea why it spread around so fast and claimed the lives of eleven out of seventeen children there. Three were still unaccounted for. Both of them hoped that one day they would resurface safe and healthy.

They were also enrolled in the same school as the other kids went to. It took Kun a while to adjust, being homeschooled for most of his life. He was glad that he was already familiar with most of the things being taught there. Every day, he would walk to school with Taeil at first. He meets Ten in his class. Ten was the same age as him and lived with his family and cousin a few streets away from the school. Doyoung and Jaehyun also shared the same class as him. He grew less dependent on Taeil.

The days where all he had was the elder was long gone now. He was afraid that Taeil might hate him for having new friends. For a long time, it was Kun and Taeil. Taeil and Kun. Look for one, you’ll find the other. There wasn’t a day where they are not together. To see them with other people was a bit strange.

It could be part of their growing up process. Letting go of each other is like letting go of a well-loved blankie or teddy bear.

Kun also discovered new interests. Those are the ones he didn’t share with Taeil. Planes are fantastic and he would like to fly one someday. It wasn’t as cool as wanting to be an astronaut but he can pretend he could fly close enough to the stars. New friends meant less time with Taeil. Because the older was busy preparing for the college exams, he hung out with the other kids.

Ten is the annoying one of the group. Their personalities clashed more often than not. Despite their differences, Ten is a great friend. It was also Ten who made him realize he was sort of in love with the elder.

It happened one day when Kun forgot his lunch. He was ready to suffer through hunger for the next few hours when he spotted the elder by the entrance gate. Ten later told him that there is no way he is not in love with the same boy he grew up with. “You’re whipped for your favorite hyung.” Ten teased, emphasizing on “hyung”. Kun hit him with a book, face turning red. “Shut up I’m not!”

“Oh what about this?” Ten impersonates Kun from earlier “Taeil-hyung I’m so glad to see you! Thank you for bringing my lunch today!”

“Do I sound like that,” he groans, hitting his head on the desk. If he did, he’d probably sound like a bunch of Jaehyun’s fangirls. They’re all still in high school for goodness’ sake. He didn’t have time to think about romance, his focus mostly on his studies and Taeil. Taeil is pretty handsome anyway maybe he won’t-

Nope. The devil planted that thought in his mind. His hyung wouldn’t appreciate being disturbed. Maybe he wouldn’t mind if it were Kun though.

He hit his head on the desk again. As Ten said it earlier, whipped.

Kun spent a long time thinking about it. He obviously couldn’t tell Taeil about the love problem. Hell, he might even turn their friendship awkward. Do friends grow up practically glued to each other? Normal. Do friends hug and give occasional cheek kisses? Only if said friendship is very tactile and you have Soojung.

But do friends who grow up together think about kissing the other on the lips just because they’re very good-looking? Kun wants to scream. School taught him how to read better, do numbers, and understand how everything works for scientific reasons. There are no lessons on interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships and he is confused about the aspect of love.

You see, growing up in an orphanage where everyone either kills or be killed can kind of influence your views in the world. Kun still gets paranoid at night, wondering if he lived in a bubble of false security all along. It doesn’t help that he was only exposed to a lot of people fairly recently and this puberty thing. He snuck books about love when Taeil or Soojung wasn’t looking.

If he is in love with Taeil, then where is the spark? Where are the grand realizations of love? Or maybe he wasn’t exposed to enough people?

God. He just wanted to grow up in peace. Nobody told him it would be that hard.

The reports from TV said the balance is slowly being restored to the world and there are ways to contain the pandemic before it reaches its worst. While the city people are living back to normal, the countryside is still being ravaged by it. The area he lived in is slowly recovering as well since it’s near the city limits.

He doesn’t know what is the death toll, nor how many people are left. For sure, it spared no one. No matter how rich or well-loved an individual is, it still claimed them. Scientists also discovered that it took many forms. It can also be spread but the problem is don’t know how it spreads.

“We haven’t witnessed anything like this before. It cannot be spread by the usual means. Some speculated that it started-“The television screen turned off, Taeil standing in front of Kun. Taeil stared down at the younger, his hands on his hips.

“Hey! I was watching!” He complained, pouting.

The older showed no emotion, “You’ve been ignoring me for the past two weeks. What teenage angst has gotten to you today?” He throws a pillow at Taeil, who swiftly dodged it. “Seriously Kun, you normally cling to me like a lost puppy. What’s up?”

“Nothing. Growing up sucks. Can I watch TV again?”

“Fine. I’m here if you need help.” Kun watched the older leave the room and was struck with the realization.

Holy fucking shit, he has no time to be in love when the world is slowly coming to an end.

* * *

The realization also made him realize other things. He doesn’t know when did Taeil stop being an older brother to him and started being a love interest. There are other people in school, why Taeil?

There were other things to worry about too. Before Taeil turned off the TV, the news he was watching made him even more worried. These people probably had the privilege of not witnessing The Illness run its full course. Kun did. Taeil did. The kids in their new orphanage didn’t.

He also knew how it started. Jongdae and Joohyun were behaving weirdly for weeks leading to the outburst. The normally loud Jongdae has become withdrawn and quiet. Joohyun snapped without any explanation. If The Illness didn’t spread by normal means, then something must be triggering it. Not only their personalities changed.

Every single person who had it lost their wills to live. They aren’t alive anymore. If his theory is proven to be correct, any forms of self-preservation disappear. Their mindset is wired to kill or be killed. The more violent of the spectrum, such as the ones he saw in Jongdae and Joohyun, are more common. There was also the one where the sufferer simply grows resigned and allowed themselves to be killed. He suspected that Junmyeon was triggered after losing six of his friends and willfully set out to find a dangerous Joohyun.

Kun also suspected that everyone has it, it just chooses to manifest itself differently. He started keeping notes from what he observed. It was years and years of experience. The library at their school might offer him some answers. Currently, all he could come up with was it starts with the mind.

He became warier of the other children too. It wasn’t always the quiet ones. There was something about one of the kids but he couldn’t place it. For now, he stuck to his mere observations.

It also meant he couldn’t share them with Taeil either. The older would make him stop his mini-project and say it’s better to forget what he has seen as a child and try to live as normally as he could. As much as he loves (Wow, he does.) Taeil, he had to do it for their own sake. Maybe even plot an escape in case it goes down badly.

They were simple, everyday observations. Everything appeared to be normal. The older kids helped out the younger ones. The younger ones would play around. Those who went to school did their work as best as they could. There was nothing out of place and it frustrated Kun. He would give up his “research” after a few days and just allude the nasty feeling to growing pains.

Until he heard Taeyong scold someone at night. It wasn’t even intentional. Kun was studying for a test and went downstairs to find something to eat. On his way back with a plate of sandwich and some chips, he overheard the older scold somebody. One of the younger kids possibly as his room is nearby. Kun stayed as quiet as possible, listening for possible clues.

Kun knew that Taeyong won’t scold kids at all. Not even the naughtiest of the bunch. Instead, he would let them off with a stern warning to not do it again or else they’ll lose certain privileges for a week. Doyoung himself said so. It was strange for him to do so. Even stranger was he was doing it at night when most of the people are asleep. Taeyeon wouldn’t be even around to tell Taeyong off either. He pretended to normally pass through, ignoring the cries he heard.

Taeyong scolded someone last night. I don’t think I’ll forget their cries for a couple of weeks.

Breakfast went on as usual. He tried to see who among the kids Taeyong scolded. Everyone seemed to be normal. That could have been a trick of the mind. Desperation to prevent it from happening again has driven him insane. He couldn’t rest until he can finally pinpoint who is the preparator.

It continued during his classes. He observed Doyoung and Jaehyun who were completely normal. He managed to catch a glimpse of Yuta and Taeyong and to his disappointment, Taeyong is completely normal too.

It manifests itself differently. Be vigilant! He wrote. “A diary? That’s a new low for you.” Kun was startled by Ten’s voice. The later was peeking over his shoulder “Be vigilant. Are you some sort of stalker now?” Ten added.

“Shut up. It’s just a personal project.” He grumbled, closing his notebook.

“Ohhh~ Can you tell me more about it?”

Kun hesitated. He only started today and his observations are going nowhere. Ten noticed he tightened his grip on the notebook and back off “It’s okay! I won’t bother anymore.”

“No, it’s not it! It’s just…” he struggled to find his words. Strange? A shot at the moon? Starting a project with limited resources is like trying to shoot in pitch darkness. A trained shooter knows how and where to fire. Kun is a clumsy amateur who is hoping for the best.

The library offered him little answers. During his free time, he did his best to research on the origins of The Illness. He gathered as many news clippings as he could. The librarian told him he is free to use the photocopier anytime in case the papers were too dated for him to use.

It started with one notebook. The pages gradually filled with his notes about the articles, pointing out the similarities in cases. He marked the special ones for further research. Kun also tried gathering information from related topics. Psychology offered some answers to his questions.

Scientists were correct with saying The Illness came from the mind. However, it doesn’t choose to randomly show itself. Something is needed to happen before signs even appear. The obvious ones being changes in personalities. Interestingly, it could be spread through trauma.

Trauma could be one of the causes. I think Taeyong is deliberately traumatizing someone. Again, it’s not normal for him to be like that. Maybe he just reached his limit.

He also thought about Taeil. The incident at the playground remained in his memory. He went from rejecting Kun’s pleas for help to saving him. A stray dog who found its master and remained steadfast. As they grew older, the protectiveness lessened. As if Taeil was training him to see if he could finally defend himself just fine.

Danger may not loom overhead but its right around the corner. It’s no longer about finding out who has it. The timeframe is usually between a few weeks to a year. At worst, it could happen anytime between now and next week.

Taeil protected him. Now, it’s Kun’s turn to protect him.

* * *

Days turned weeks. Weeks turned months. He blinked and before he knew it, his 17th birthday is fast approaching. He had no idea how much time has passed since they moved in. Was it three years? Four? Time made no sense when one is invested in something.

After a hearty New Year’s dinner (courtesy of a wealthy sponsor), Kun immediately retired to his room. His binder, now 75% filled, was waiting to be filled with information. Taeil got him a book on SAT prep and reminded him to start studying. While he flipped through his recent findings, someone knocked on the door. Kun switched binders and pretended to study “Come in!”

The door opened, revealing Taeil, Doyoung, and Jaehyun. Taeil held a small cake while they sang a birthday song for him. He stared at them in bewilderment. Birthdays are just ordinary days made extraordinary. Ten said each birthday is special because it marked the day you were born. He was dropped off as a newborn, not even a letter from his biological parents were left behind. The other kids knew when they were born. Even Taeil knew when he was born.

Kun came into the world alone and unwanted. To see someone celebrate his supposed birthday, right at the beginning of the year, is strange. Most people would be celebrating New Year’s Day with their families. As the song ended, Taeil held out the cake in front of him “Make a wish! Its what people do on their birthdays,” he said.

The candle flickered slightly. Must be the breeze. He doesn’t know what he could wish for. Long life? Happiness? Be adopted even though he is already a teenager, two years shy of being an adult. His friends were all grinning, urging him to make a wish.

Could he use his wish for someone else?

He closed his eyes, blowing the candle. Doyoung and Jaehyun clapped happily, each of them hugging him.

Birthdays aren’t that bad at all. All his life, he never got a chance to celebrate his birthday. The space provided for birthday remained blank from when he first enrolled. This year, he can finally put in a date. As cliché as it may be, his birthday marked new beginnings.

Doyoung and Jaehyun eventually retired to their rooms for the night. Taeil stayed behind, lying beside Kun. It was reminiscent of the days gone by. Kun’s heartbeat loudly against his chest. He was afraid that it would release itself from its confines and jump straight into Taeil’s hands. Taeil, being a kind soul he is, would immediately put it back in.

Infuriating. Frustrating. Annoying. Teenage hormones partying in his heart. Growing up is truly the worst. He should have wished Peter Pan was real and took him away when he was younger. He would remain a child forever, free of any burdens and responsibilities carried by grown-ups.

“I can’t believe I’m seventeen now,” Kun said, his eyes on the ceiling.

Taeil hummed, smiling “It’s great to be seventeen though. Oh to be young again…”

“Shut up Taeil, you’re turning 20 soon.”

Taeil pretended to be hurt, clutching his chest. He rolled his eyes at the elder’s antics. He can’t believe that of all people he could fall in love with, it had to be someone he was driven to protect. Or maybe love made him want to protect Taeil. Love supposedly makes you capable of doing everything.

The Illness said hi otherwise.

“So I’m thinking of something,” he glanced at the elder, gauging him for any reaction. Taeil was absentmindedly tracing patterns on his arm. “I was wondering if I could share something with you.”

“You know that you could share anything with me right?”

“It’s just,” he takes a deep breath, continuing “sometimes I wonder if the stories you used to tell me had a meaning in them. When I was a kid, I thought they were awesome. You’re a brilliant storyteller. What if you run out of stories to tell?” The finger on his arm stopped. Had he done something wrong

“I’m not sure what your point is. Everything has a story. The bed you lie on? Another child could have lived here. They were someone’s best friend here. The world is filled to the brim with it.

Some stories, no matter how much you wanted to reveal them to the world, cannot be told. A moth that gets too close to the flame will burn its wings. The world is neither kind nor cruel, it’s how you crave the path you choose to walk on. Do you think the world wished for the moth to die? No. It leads itself to its demise. Remember, those stories are your fire.”

Long after they had gone to sleep, he lay awake in his bed. His research was already dangerous. He could brush it off as a mere hobby that took up his time for a while. Kun is racing against the clock. To play with fire, as Taeil said, would lead to his demise.

He won’t die, no, he’ll try not to. There was still so much to live for. Losing life is losing all chances he could take and he's not going to let that happen too early.

* * *

It was an accident. He wasn’t even supposed to be there. Kun had walked in on Taeyong who cornered Jaehyun. He made himself as small as possible, hoping that the two boys won’t notice his presence.

Jaehyun whimpered in pain as Taeyong dragged him in the room. He threw the younger with much force, a loud thud resounding throughout the room. Kun wanted to close his eyes and cover his ears. But this could be the final blow, the last step to his research. People would be hurt but something needs to be done.

The cries increased as the voice got louder. He cringed when he heard the sounds of someone being kicked. He waited until he heard Taeyong leave the room and he rushed out of his hiding place “Oh my God…”

Bruises are everywhere. Jaehyun held his right shoulder as he tried to stand up. Taeyong did a number on poor Jaehyun “Who did this?” He asked, even though he already knew.

“That would be me.” A voice answered. He whipped his head towards the direction of the voice. Taeyong smiled smugly, leaning against the doorframe. Anger surged in his veins.

Kun knew it.

He knew it from the beginning.

He and Soojung saw right through Taeyong’s façade on their first day while Taeil remained oblivious. The awful feeling every time Taeyong is near, the way he treated others when Taeyeon’s and Taeil’s backs were turned. The powerlessness and fear in Jaehyun’s eyes.

Taeyong is the host.

But it could be someone else too and Taeyong was one of the affected people.

No matter who the host is, his worst nightmare is coming back to life. How could Miss Bora let it slip past her that easily? He helped Jaehyun up, glaring at Taeyong “I’ll make sure that Taeyeon-noona finds out about this.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Kun drops Jaehyun off in his room. Jaehyun looked miserable. He took out the first aid kit that he kept around for some reason. “Stay right here, I’ll find Taeil. He knows what to do.” He tells the younger before he ran to the elder’s room and banged on the door “Taeil! Taeil! Open up!”

The door opened, revealing Jungwoo. The boy had a sickly sweet smile on his face. Kun hated that smile. There was nothing genuine to it. That smile had the authority figures wrapped around his finger. But Kun is smarter. He knew he had to challenge them so he could spare the lives of others. There is no way any of them should endure what he endured for the last ten years. “Hello Kun, what brings you here?” He asks, his saccharine voice making him want to swing a fist.

He could do that later. Right now, he needed Taeil. “Where is Taeil? Why are you here?” he demanded. Jungwoo smirked, opening the door wider. There was no sign of Taeil at all.

“He said he went out to buy snacks for you later. How sweet of him.”

Something in him snapped. Kun pushes Jungwoo with more force necessary, making the younger fall. Unfortunately, at that moment, Taeil had seen them. Taeil rushed to Jungwoo’s side, glaring at Kun. There is no way he would believe him now.

“Hyung I…”

“Save it. Go back to your room right now.” Taeil snapped, helping Jungwoo up.

Kun wished that Taeil would violently lash at him. Anything is better than having to endure his disappointed face. “You heard me. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

“Whatever. Don’t talk to me either!” He marches off, fuming. When Kun reached the safety of his room, a hot wave of shame hit him. Taeil was too forgiving. The older is bound to try talking to him again at some point. Right now, he felt he was alone against the world. He walks to his desk and starts sobbing.

That wasn’t even an argument. Why is he wasting his tears over a trivial matter? Taeil probably thought that he started the fight despite being provoked to it. He hated being rational too. He just wanted to be reckless for once yet look at what his recklessness brought him.

“Kun? What happened?” He had forgotten Jaehyun was also in his room.

He sniffed, trying to wipe his tears away. “Nothing. Nothing happened.”

Jaehyun wanted to know more but he doesn’t press on. “Alright but you see, I’m the one supposed to be sad and stuff because our supposedly responsible hyung turned out to be a bully,” he winced when he accidentally moved his shoulder “but let’s just commiserate together shall we?”

Kun laughed, “Big words coming from someone who got beat up. Do you need me to clean you up first before we give Doyoung a heart attack?”

“Do we need to hide his body right after? Because I’m kind of out of commission right now.”

“Shut up before I kick you out too early.”

* * *

It's quarter to 10 when the bell downstairs chimed, signaling the end of the day. Kun sighed as he organized his notes. He already dropped off Jaehyun in his room and as they predicted, Doyoung did have a mini heart attack. When Kun said he’ll explain in the morning, the former had calmed down a little. “You better tell the whole story or otherwise I won’t believe you!”

Kun crossed his heart “I swear on it! See you tomorrow at breakfast!”

The fight with Taeil earlier made him rethink his approach. His findings were as clear as the day. Taeyong’s odd behavior, Jungwoo’s recent behavior. All of it made sense now. Tomorrow, he’ll apologize to Taeil first before sharing his research.

A loud crash outside the door interrupted his thoughts. The younger kids probably chased each other down the hall again. Kun put on his slippers and a thin jacket and kept his binder inside his drawer. Just in case.

He left his bedroom door ajar as a light source. Kun made his way towards the side the younger kids slept in. To his surprise, the doors were closed and the lights have long gone out.

"Weird..." he thought as he walked back to his room. Another set of footsteps followed him, making him stop in his tracks.

"It's night time already, you wouldn't want Miss Bora to get angry at you right?" He spoke, trying to keep his voice steady. Kun turned around to see one of the younger kids holding a crowbar. At this point, his heart threatened to jump out of his chest.

"What the-" Kun was cut off when the first blow came. His vision swam as he slumped down the wall.

"Why?" He croaked. Warm liquid ran down his neck and judging the metallic smell, it's his blood. The person in front of him raised the crowbar, a sadistic grin on his face.

"Any last words?"

"You. Fucking. Traitor." he spat, his vision turning red as blood trickled down his face.

Kun thought about the rest of the kids. While they were lucky to not witness every single one of their elders die, they would be forced to face the reality that one of their elders was murdered right in their home.

He was hit one more time. And another for a good measure. The world started fading from his view. There was a sound of metal hitting the floor before the perpetrator ran away. Their footsteps grew farther and farther.

Then he felt nothing.

It's strange. Did despair truly make Yixing, Jongdae, and Joohyun lose their humanity? Is this what Sunyoung and Taeyeon felt in that forest? Did they willingly embrace death, knowing they saved lives?

Kun was seven when the world collapsed. He was seventeen when it collapsed once more.

Except this time, he was alone.

Stupid Taeil. They promised they will be together until the end.


End file.
